by Ginger Philbrick
Dear Reader, the new year is in the wings, but there is still time to refresh our holiday manners memory. This week I’ve chosen three party-related questions that have been in my email from time to time.
• Can I bring a guest with me if it’s a party, not a dinner?
When we receive an invitation to any event, unless it states otherwise, we should assume it is meant only for us. However, sometimes we would like to attend but have a house guest scheduled for the same time. Should that happen, it is acceptable to call the hostess and explain the conflict. If she is willing to invite your friend too, you have opened the door to encouraging her to do so.
• Is it okay to post images of a party on social media?
I think most would say that a negative response is a no-brainer, but in the merriment of the moment many a photo has been snapped, posted—and regretted.
Let’s say that Jane Doe told John Buck that she had COVID and couldn’t go to the opera with him after all. Then, during the intermission at “Cosi tan tutti,” Mr. Buck gets a Facebook photo of Miss Doe dancing cheek to antler with Mr. Stag. I am sure that, because you are polite, you understand why it’s not a happy night in the forest.
• As a hostess, what can I politely do about someone who doesn’t RSVP when requested to?
The “R” in RSVP might just as correctly stand for the word respect as it does for the word respond. It is a sign of good manners and respect to reply to an invitation as soon as you know whether or not you can accept it. As a hostess, especially if your event is a dinner, it is socially acceptable to phone or text the tardy one and ask if he is coming. If it is a larger party, you may choose to accept that not everyone—even really nice people—knows the RSVP “rules.”
I thank you for your faithful consideration of this column during the past year and wish you and yours the merriest and most meaningful of holidays.
Ginger Philbrick is the owner of Because You Are Polite LLC. You are invited to email your manners questions to her and she will respond as time and space allow. You may contact her at youarepolite1@gmail.com.
