by Ginger Philbrick
A close friend and I were seated together at a dinner and the guest across from us leaned across the table and said, “You two must be related, you look so much alike.” My friend exclaimed, “I wish! She is so much prettier than I am. We don’t look at all alike!” I felt very awkward and it was obvious the guest didn’t know what to say. Please write a column on how to accept compliments!
G.B., White Stone
First, thank you for your email. You write about an area which is sometimes a bit uncomfortable for most of us.
Mark Twain was said to have remarked, “I have been complimented many times and they always embarrass me; I always feel that they have not said enough.”
In reality, the problem is that many of us receive compliments when we feel we are unworthy of them and our immediate response is to set the record straight. Or, even though we may feel worthy of the good words, we are embarrassed by the attention drawn to us when they are said aloud and we respond with immediate denial.
When we dispute what another says, we are calling into question their judgement. When someone tells us they want the recipe for the corn pudding we brought to the pot luck, they are saying they like it, not that they want to tear it up so they don’t make the mistake of ever using it.
Likewise, when someone says that you have a beautiful singing voice, they are encouraging you to continue, not to start humming because you are attracting too much attention.
Humility is important in life, but false humility is not attractive. When we are complimented for any reason, a simple “Thank you” or “I appreciate the compliment” is sufficient. The judgement is made by the giver, not by you, and to question their opinion is less than gracious.
If you feel comfortable doing so, you could extend your thank-you with a little tidbit about what they are complimenting. For instance, if someone says, “I love that dress you are wearing”, instead of saying “Really? I am just about ready to give it to the thrift shop,” you could say, “Thanks. It has been one of my favorites for years.”
Mr. Twain also said, “I can live for two months on a good compliment.” Try capturing the next compliment you receive, say “Thank you” and tuck it away, either in memory or on paper, and the next time you are tempted to be down on yourself, call it to the rescue.
Ginger Philbrick is the owner of Because You Are Polite LLC. You are invited to email your manners questions to her and she will respond as time and space allow. You may contact her at youarepolite1@gmail.com.
