by Ginger Philbrick
Whenever I entertain guests for dinner, I get flustered by the timing of it. How long should I offer appetizers and how long should I wait to serve the main course? Most of all, how can I pass nibbles, take drink orders for the main meal and still be sure all the dishes are perfectly heated?
I don’t really relax until dinner is on the table. I am open to suggestions as to how to enjoy the whole evening. Please give me advice!
Tia, Lancaster
Tia, I fully understand! A caring hostess has a lot on her mind, especially at the beginning of the event.
Over the years of being a dinner guest, I have noticed that most hostesses glide effortlessly, from hors d’oeuvres through dessert. However, my guests have never seen me glide. I absolutely love to entertain, but I can easily get caught up in conversation and not hear the oven warning me the casserole is done, or just as easily forget that the side dish that I had intended to serve is still in the refrigerator.
To help with this, I take one or two of my guests into my confidence and give them a task. For instance, if I am involved in greeting late comers, I might solicit one to keep an eye out and pass the appetizers if guests have become squatters on the sofa and won’t move to partake. Or if I am busy putting the salad together, I will ask a friend to take “drink orders” for me. So far, I have been gratified by the fact that no one has refused or even seemed miffed at my requests.
As for timing, a suggested timeline from the Emily Post Institute is as follows: 20 minutes to greet guests, 6-6:20 p.m.; 20-30 minutes for all to mingle, 6:20-6:50 p.m.; 10-20 minutes plating or setting up, 6:50-7 p.m.
Of course, as with any guideline, you may find it needs to be adjusted to your circumstance. For instance, it is not recommended to tell Sally to return that cheese wedge she has just taken from the charcuterie board because dinner is ready. Or if conversation over appetizers has been kidnapped by Capt. Bill telling sailing stories, you may choose to rescue his glazed-eyed captives by serving dinner a bit earlier than planned.
And guests, a word to you—when your hostess invites you to come to the dinner table or buffet, don’t make the mistake of thinking it is polite to hold back. Instead, do all that you can to follow the wishes of the one who has prepared it all, just for you.
Thanks, Tia, for your question. I hope it will help you enjoy all of the happiness of entertaining.
Ginger Philbrick is the owner of Because You Are Polite LLC. You are invited to email your manners questions to her and she will respond as time and space allow. You may contact her at youarepolite1@gmail.com.
