by Ginger Philbrick
Due to the generosity of a friend, I recently spent some time thumbing through a copy of Veranda Magazine, a publication which allows one to travel through glossy page after glossy page of stunning interior designs and articles on interesting places throughout the world.
My friend had suggested I would be interested in the very last page, and she was correct! There was a survey which asked designers to share their pet peeves surrounding dinner parties. I was, of course, thrilled to see it.
However, I was taken aback by the very first answer!
The question was regarding the propriety of asking what to bring to a dinner party. The response from a NY City designer was “Never call to ask what you should bring – just show up with something! It will feel more personal if the idea comes from the guest, rather than the host’s suggestion.”
After very little thought, I decided that was ridiculous!
Then, in an effort to be fair minded, I consulted my tome of Emily Post’s Etiquette. I think the guidance there was more rational. Although I couldn’t find a direct mention of dinner parties, even for casual potlucks the advice is that after inviting people, the organizer should “expect to follow up with a conversation to discuss or confirm guests’ food contributions.”
A check with Reddit, which is a sort of an anyone-can-give-their-opinion site online, the opinion is “generally, do not bring a dish to a dinner party unless specifically asked or if it is a pre-arranged potluck. Bringing unrequested food can disrupt the host’s planned menu and kitchen.”
Now I am coming to those of you who enjoy hosting dinner parties and asking what you think. Honestly, would you be even a bit ruffled if your neighbor brought her Aunt Lola’s okra casserole to your carefully planned seafood dinner?
I would really like to know what you think and why (youarepolite1@gmail.com). If I get enough responses, perhaps I can have us mentioned in that lovely Veranda Magazine!
Ginger Philbrick is the owner of Because You Are Polite LLC. You are invited to email your manners questions to her and she will respond as time and space allow. You may contact her at youarepolite1@gmail.com.
