by Ginger Philbrick
Touch is one of the wonderful five senses which constantly send signals to the brain.
As early as age 2, I became conscious that a caring touch was desirable. According to my Baby Book, and you know mothers never lie, one of the first sentences I spoke was a request I made, with outstretched arms, to “hug her tight.” To my knowledge, with very few exceptions I have never turned down a well-intentioned hug. And a light touch on my arm while someone is speaking with me, is translated into “I like you.”
According to the Emily Post Institute, “Latin Americans and Southern Europeans engage in casual touching more than North Americans do, so if someone touches your arm in conversation, don’t take offense.” The same acceptance of touching is found in Africa, the Middle East and India. Apparently, I am an aberration, being of French and German descent!
However, and there is most always a however, not everyone likes to be touched or hugged. For many, it is offensive to be touched except by those they count as closest to them. This is understandable and should be respected by those of us who are eager embracers.
A suggestion to those who prefer not to be hugged or otherwise touched: when you see a known hugger coming at you, hold your hand out first as though to shake hands. This indicates friendliness but prevents invasion. Or you could exclaim as they hold out their arms, “I’m sorry but I really don’t like to be hugged!” This is polite enough and should take care of the problem immediately.
You may notice that I haven’t mentioned the sometimes touchy subject of kissing. If I receive requests to do so, I certainly will expound on it. For the time being, though, my advice is don’t do it unless your carefully considered assessment is that it will be mutually pleasant.
Ginger Philbrick is the owner of Because You Are Polite LLC. You are invited to email your manners questions to her and she will respond as time and space allow. You may contact her at youarepolite1@gmail.com.
