by Ginger Philbrick
Over the July 4 weekend our family had a pot luck cook-out. Thirty-four people attended and there was plenty of good food, fun and fireworks.
However, one of my nieces wanted to bring leftover sandwiches from her son’s high school graduation that had been in a cooler for a week. My sister, the hostess, told her she would have to tell everybody where they came from. She didn’t bring them.
Another family member, who has four kids, brought two kinds of hummus and salsa that were about 2/3 full and a little dry around the rim. He said they had been eating out of them for days. Yet another relative brought Mandarin orange jello that had been partially eaten at another potluck. Is there any polite way to tell people to bring food that hasn’t been out somewhere else?
Grossed Out in Kilmarnock
Dear Grossed Out, I was astonished when I read your email and even more amazed when I mentioned it to a group of three acquaintances and learned one of them had experienced the same situation. I believe it to be more of a health issue than one of manners, but your question of a polite way to handle it makes me want to dip my manners spoon in, as it were, and seize the opportunity to comment.
The term pot luck originated in 16th century England. If an unexpected guest arrived it was understood that, if staying for a meal, they would be sharing whatever was in the pot. It was pure luck as to whether it was to their liking or not. The term pot luck has evolved to mean a meal for which several people bring dishes—rationally expected to be a fresh one—to a central location and all share in the bounty. One of the unspoken hopes is that no one gets ill from the sharing.
In a recent column I wrote of things not mentioned in the tomes of manners but left up to the common sense of the individual. This is a perfect example of such. Pre-nibbled on, or out of date, pot luck entries fall squarely into the category of the irrational, simply because the safety of ingesting them cannot be guaranteed.
Rather than suggesting a hostess somehow ask guests to bring fresh, untouched foods, I think that quality control must be exercised by the hostess as the dishes arrive. Your sister’s requirement that her daughter tell the family the origin of those sandwiches was brilliant. If someone brings a questionable item, the host should thank them but explain that she has learned that leftovers set out at room temperature for a period of time could be easy targets for undesirable bacteria, and many people have very sensitive digestive systems. She could offer to refrigerate the item until the owner takes it home.
Thank you for your question, Grossed Out. As I thought about it, I imagined how horrid it would be to learn that it was my leftover shrimp salad that poisoned another guest! How impolite would that be?
Ginger Philbrick is the owner of Because You Are Polite LLC. You are invited to email your manners questions to her and she will respond as time and space allow. You may contact her at youarepolite1@gmail.com.
