Dear Reader, From time to time I receive questions about manners which I have addressed in previous columns. Given that we are coming up on a season of potential feasting, and having been asked advice on politely refusing unwanted food, I am sending the following column out to you. It was published several years back but it still holds true.
How do you politely refuse food from people who say such things as, “I know you’re watching your weight, but………”, and then give you a box of homemade cookies? I have a freezer full of such gifts.
Appreciative, but Concerned, White Stone
Dear Appreciative, Giving food as gifts goes back, I am sure, to the cave people. I seem to remember that on page 24 of my third grade geography textbook there was a picture of a fur-covered cave wife offering a flat stone covered with cookie-like objects to her girlfriend. Today, one only has to look at their mail to recognize that there is a glut of companies offering gift packages of everything from almond cakes to zebra striped macaroons.
We have those—I call Pushers—among us. Well-meaning cooks, bakers and gift-givers who don’t believe a few more calories could possibly hurt. Also, there are those who serve us meals who, again meaning no harm, prod us to have another helping. So those of us who are seriously “watching our weight” need to practice ways to gracefully deal with offers of unwanted food.
It seems you have found one answer to your problem: freezing goodies that are brought unsolicited. But that is only a temporary solution, given that the packages take up room and also are an ever-present temptation—I think frozen cookies are the best!
Another possibility is to pass those gifts along to someone who needs plumping up. But that also is only a temporary fix until the next time the giver appears at your door.
As usual, the best solution is to react with courteous honesty. “Thank you for your generosity, Sue, but I am seriously trying to lose weight and, for now, these are just not on my diet.” Or “Turning down your spanakopita, pumpkin soufflé, Rice Krispie snacks, Curtis, is really hard for me, but I must. Losing weight is a matter of health for me.”
As in the case of an unwanted admirer who it is best not to string along, so it is with the Pusher; be sensitive to their intended kindness, but be honest about how you feel. I know what I am talking about, dear Appreciative; I come from a long line of Pushers. Bless their hearts.
Ginger Philbrick is the owner of Because You Are Polite LLC. You are invited to email your manners questions to her and she will respond as time and space allow. You may contact her at youarepolite1@gmail.com.
