by Ginger Philbrick
Remember that old joke about the Boy Scout who, when tasked with doing a good deed, helped an elderly lady across the street when she didn’t want to cross? I have come to the understanding that such “helpfulness” might happen frequently.
Recently, I have seen and heard frustration, outright physical roughness and verbal scorn from people who have assumed the role of helper without being asked. And I have watched helplessly as a person who needed assistance was belittled by a person who had stepped in to manage the situation. Although, yet again, I am probably preaching to those who least need to be reminded, we should all remember to:
Ask first if you may help. You may be wrongly assessing the situation and assistance may not be needed or wanted. A simple “May I help with that?” or “Would you like me to help?” is wise.
Help gently. A lecture on how to perform the task correctly or grabbing the object that is causing difficulty is not helpful and can be humiliating.
Be reasonably sure, in the case of an emergency, that you do indeed know how to help. For instance, in the case of a serious fall, it is often best to help by calling 911 and then being a calming presence until assistance arrives than it is to try to help the injured person up.
The definition of help includes the words assist, make easier and improve. If our deeds are done with those time-tested words of kindness and respect we, unlike that aforementioned Boy Scout, have done the right thing.
Ginger Philbrick is the owner of Because You Are Polite LLC. You are invited to email your manners questions to her and she will respond as time and space allow. You may contact her at youarepolite1@gmail.com.
