This is a confession; I sometimes chew gum in public.
However, my breaking of one of the cardinal rules of etiquette is not a haughty thumbing of my nose at propriety. Rather it is because a very wise doctor told me years ago that I could either take an allergy pill for my torturous itchy ears or chew gum to help naturally soothe the problem. Not wanting to ingest any more drugs than necessary, I chose the latter option and have found it 100% effective.
In deference to my fellow man and woman, I try not to snap my chewing gum or blow bubbles, although I am proficient at both and delight in doing so in private. When disposing of the gum, I make sure it is wrapped tightly and discarded out of sight. What might be seen as careless rudeness on my part is not meant to offend at all, but is often a means for making my life tolerable.
Another instance of potentially misjudged actions was brought to my attention by a reader who emailed me after seeing my recent column in which I mentioned the importance of smiling. She wrote, “I read your column and wanted to suggest that the friend [who did not smile] might have face blindness. Some people do not recognize anyone until they speak or if they already know what the other person is wearing.” I remembered hearing this years ago and appreciated her bringing it again to the forefront of my understanding of the possible complexities of social interaction.
Her statement brought to mind a dear friend who had a hearing impairment that was never fully remedied by hearing aids. A most affable and interesting woman, she was often deemed to be cold and not worth knowing by others who mistakenly took her silence, when she couldn’t hear the speaker, to be intentional and shockingly impolite.
We all know that things are not always as they seem. We do well to be slow in judgement. The next time you run across a gum chewing, unsmiling, unresponsive person and instinctively consider them to be rude, reconsider and try to give them the benefit of any doubt.
Ginger Philbrick is the owner of Because You Are Polite LLC. You are invited to email your manners questions to her and she will respond as time and space allow. You may contact her at [email protected].
