by Ginger Philbrick
I almost dropped the carrot I was peeling when I heard the statement coming from the television in the next room: “Small talk is a waste of time.” A misguided opinion if ever I had heard one.
Small talk is a most pleasant way of removing awkward silences. Additionally, without small talk easing us naturally into topics of greater depth, there would be very little big talk, or conversation of greater consequence. For instance, what would the chance of success be if a young man, having spotted a young girl he wanted to meet, simply approached her and said, “I am going to pick you up at 8 tomorrow night,” or a person to whom you are introduced immediately saying, “I’m nominating you to be on the fundraising committee in my club?” In both cases, employing the magic of small talk would certainly be less offensive and more productive.
Understandably, it is not easy for all of us to just begin talking with a stranger. However, if we take a few seconds to think about it, there is a lot to talk about—weather (always a good starter), news (carefully edited so as not to step on political toes), what is happening to you at the moment, sports, books, movies.
The following advice on jump-starting a conversation comes from the Emily Post Institute, with added commentary from your humble columnist:
• Consider your “audience.”
Are they young or old, do you know of any of their interests, what has brought you together at that moment, what are you both experiencing at that moment?
• Begin with a question.
This is the easiest way to begin, or further, a conversation. People love to be asked what they think. Go light on your opinions while eliciting theirs.
• Be a good listener.
This cannot be stressed enough. Keep your comments brief, remembering this is small talk, not a dissertation. Focus on what is being said by your companion.
• Practice.
In the words of the Institute, “If you are shy, get used to talking to strangers in safe environments—such as people waiting in line with you in the supermarket, store clerks, taxi drivers, or someone sitting next to you on a plane. A short—the operative word here is short—exchange can help you become more comfortable.”
Small talk is a waste of time? What will they say next—eating carrots doesn’t improve your eyesight? Ridiculous!
Ginger Philbrick is the owner of Because You Are Polite LLC. You are invited to email your manners questions to her and she will respond as time and space allow. You may contact her at youarepolite1@gmail.com.
