by Ginger Philbrick
I try not to be a slob, but from time to time I may have a dot of mayo in the corner of my mouth, or a loose hair, or chocolate on my cheek. I know it is nice for someone to tell me about it but the problem is that my husband will, at any time and in any place, groom me by reaching over and removing whatever shouldn’t be there. Then he becomes the problem to me. It is embarrassing. What can I do?
Imperfect, White Stone
Dear Imperfect, reading your mail I immediately thought of my friend who has told me several times of the humiliation he felt as a grown man when his mother would lick her index finger and reach over and remove a spot from his face….in public. I hope this is not the route your husband takes to groom you.
Some of us tend to attract smudges, crumbs and the odd particle of vegetation on and around our face. We also may have lipstick on our teeth or a little pool of make-up we failed to spread out. As one who is in that category, I am very grateful when others call my attention to unwanted things on my person. However, our rescue groomers should understand that the timing of their assistance needs to be considered.
A word to rescue groomers: if it is just the two of you (the groomer and the groomee) alone, a simple, “Jane, you have something on your left cheek” is appropriate. If there are others around, the best thing to do is to “get the eye” of the other person and as inconspicuously as possible point, mirror image, to the soiled place on your own face. For instance, if there is a smudge on the person’s left cheek, point to your right cheek and gently tap on it a few times. In the case of lipstick on teeth, a subtle rub of your fingers across your own pearly whites should work. Similarly, in the case of food wedged in the tooth, a tap on your tooth is often effective, without the embarrassment of making a big deal of it. Unless invited to do so, don’t assume it is alright to remove the unwanted detritus yourself.
Dear Imperfect, ask your well-meaning husband to help you find a less conspicuous way to communicate you need a touch up. If the previous suggestions are acceptable, perhaps you need a code word or secret motion. Although the very public and constant grooming behavior we see among non-human primates such as chimpanzees, actually boosts their health, the same behavior can have a most unhealthy consequence in human relationships!
