by Ginger Philbrick
Occasionally a mere acquaintance stops me in the grocery store to say hello and then immediately focuses and comments on items in my cart. I feel it is a violation of my time and space, and it’s just plain rude!
Although blurting out some obnoxious but truthful “I don’t have time to chat about what you’re staring at in my cart” would be taking the low road, I do often wonder how people can be basically unconscious in regard to the appropriate, kind and brief greeting versus this behavior.
Privacy Advocate, White Stone
Dear Privacy Advocate, as is the case with several of the questions I receive, there is no specific mention of this issue in any of my etiquette sources. However, it is definitely a situation where nosiness is involved and the generally accepted seven word summation relating to that is the socially sensitive person is not nosey. They may be curious, but not nosey.
Whether curious about that big package on your neighbor’s front doorstep, the state of the shower behind his boldly colored shower curtain, the amount of that partially exposed bill on your friend’s desk, or whether that carton at the bottom of her shopping cart is really beer when you thought she was a tee-totaler, you do not act on your curiosity. Remember the Golden Rule of doing unto others…..
Taking an inventory of another’s grocery cart is an act of nosiness. Now, if your glance happens to fall on the completely exposed triple chocolate ice cream container in the small basket of her cart and you couldn’t find it when you just looked in the ice cream case, it is acceptable to ask where she found it. But intentionally surveying another’s collection of groceries, with or without commenting, is rude.
As a solution, a couple of those readily available reusable grocery shopping bags casually tossed over the cart’s contents as you shop will help shield your items, Privacy Advocate.
I would also suggest that when it happens again that you feel your broccoli and corn chips are in the spotlight, or the conversation is going on too long, simply look over the shoulder of the person who is the offender and say, “Omigoodness, I do believe that is Suzette over there in the frozen foods aisle and I desperately need to speak with her! Excuse me, please.”
This will not only give you an excuse to end the uncomfortable situation but will leave the snooper with something else to occupy her mind—what in the world you and Suzette have to talk about that is so important.
Ginger Philbrick is the owner of Because You Are Polite LLC. You are invited to email your manners questions to her and she will respond as time and space allow. You may contact her at youarepolite1@gmail.com.
